To the guy who will NEVER see this..

I've honestly never been able to tell you how I feel so here I am.. You want me to be honest? Well I have to be honest with you about everything not just a couple of things..

I wouldn't say that I liked you because.. it's not "liked" . It's like. or is it? I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL.. I could tell you I don't like you until I'm blue in the face but when I see that you like someone else or talk about someone else.. I get so.. jealous & I shouldn't because.. I'm the one who pushed you away. Lol.. I don't get it. Please just explain to me why I have to feel this way.. or why I had to have feelings toward you. I don't want to feel this way.. at all. I don't want to constantly worry or wonder what could have happened. I don't want to know that every time I talk to you or see you at a game that you're with someone who makes you so happy & I.. 

well I am just a friend there for support.. to talk with times get tough..

I want you to be honest with me.. how do you feel..?

If today was your last day to talk to me.. forever.. you'd never get to speak to me again what exactly would you say...?

Be honest with me.. 

That's all.. 

If you're reading this right now.. then you obviously know how I feel.. but I've yet to get the slightest clue as to what you're thinking.. things are so up and down it's hard to tell . 

Trust me I've tried so hard to just drop it and move on.. & you know what.. the second I really thought I was moving on from liking you last year.. You somehow popped right back into my life. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad your here.. but it's just.. 

Do I want to get hurt again?

That's the real question.

Is this real life..

guys... today I went outside to check the mail box for like the 500th time these past two weeks & I finally got my acceptance letter! I'm going to college! & to make it even better it's the college I've dreamed of going to. Every time I would ride past it i'd be just so amazed at how beautiful the campus was! Now.. next fall I will get to call it my home away from home! I literally was crying today.. No. Joke.

I think it's so amazing how God works.. He blessed me with this opportunity...

He just works in amazing mysterious ways!

Every where I went after that today I blared my Christian playlist from the internet and basically just jammed out !

I literally felt so emotional today knowing that things are finally sinking in and setting into place..

A huge hardship has been lifted off my shoulders.. I don't have to worry about what i'm going to do after highschool or if i'm going to be able to get into college.. I'm so happy and content with the choice I made..

I feel that this University will welcome me with open arms and their love for God is never ending and that make's me love it 10x more! I can't wait to see where this journey takes me !

Forgiveness is tough.. but holding a grudge is worse.

So... when you think of the word forgiveness what comes to mind? 


These past few days i've really been taking my life and consideration & just reflecting back on everything that has happened of the years. One thing I've always had trouble with is forgiveness... whether it be something stupid and pointless or something HUGE.


I think now more than ever I need to be forgiving others.. I've come to a point in my life where.. friends have turned into the unknown.. Those who said they would always be there for me and never leave me side.. 

Yea they left..

Those who promised to stay through thick and thin..

They left tooo..

It really saddens me that I've had to lose so many friends along the way but time changes everything.. But, the closer I become to God the more I realize I need to be forgiving others.. Even those who have done me wrong. Because, in all reality how can we expect God to forgive us for all our sins if I can't even forgive a single person for a careless mistake..

I'm not at the point where I can say I forgive you to the person face to face so why not write & vent here?

I forgive those who have ever bullied me or others.
I forgive those who have left my side
I forgive those who doubted me even for a second at my lowest points.
I forgive those who have done me wrong & lied to me whether it be for my own good or theirs.
I forgive those who have ever hurt me.

Is it easier to forgive or forget? Comment your opinions below!