Sunday, March 1, 2015
For better or for worse??
I walk around school normally keeping to myself .. I pass people in the hallways but really it's all such a blur.. Familiar faces turn into the unknown and it feels like things are slowly starting to tumble .. Ever since I moved schools I feel different , but the question is .. Is it a good different or bad? I'm thankful for my school I'm at now don't get me wrong I have loving and supportive teachers who want the best for me but when it comes to friends I feel as if I only have acquaintances. Sometimes I feel so out of place , feel that I'm still the new girl even though this is my second year there . You asked about me friends from my old school? Yea I still talk to them everyonce in awhile .. But sometimes it feels as if I am non-existent .. that girl that use to be apart of that group or well family has now disappeared . I didn't disappear willing though , it happened over a period of time .. We went from talking everyday , hanging every weekend to talking maybe what, once or twice every 2.. 3 .. Weeks? There has been some positivity to moving schools though, I'm a different person! I'm not going to sit here and tell you that my friends from my old school made me a bad person because that's not true .. If anything they kept me sane throughout the years.. It's the school and the drama that changed me , flipped me inside out so you could say.. It's as if my identity was snatched away and turned into something I was even afraid of . With every corner I turned there was rumors being spread .. Lies being told .. And I took part in that. My perception of high school was flipped upside down! I always knew grades were important and that THATS what would help me achieve my goals but at times it often turned into popularity .. Friends.. I wanted to be LIKED. I feared the so called disaster that we call highschool because I was afraid of being laughed at .. Or made fun of ..I felt as if I was a nerd if I would raise my hand in class to answer a question. I felt that everything I wore effected what people would think of me .. I even got so caught up in drama that I turned on my own bestfriend . I'm not going to lie to you.. And we probably all know this. When you are gossiping with someone it makes you feel powerful.. You feel awesome! But when reality comes swinging at you and you realize what a mistake you've made it really hurts . Freshman year was GREAT! Lots of laughter .. Joy.. Smiles.. And I have to say a couple tears but in the end it only helped me realize who I want to be .. What kind of person I want people to see me as .. And let's just say I had ALOT of changing to do... There was nothing to extreme , just a few minor things .. Moving to my new school my intention was to create a new me .. Someone I was proud of and not ashamed of! First thing I threw out was drama.. It still seems to creep it's way back into my life sometimes but I've found ways to handle it .. I've built up more self-confidence! I'm not ashamed of how I dress or my weight or anything like that! Oh ! And the answering questions in class thing? Yea... I probably raise my hand a thousand times a day! Haha, I've realized I should embrace being intelligent ! I shouldn't try to hide it! I can only hope you all stay true to who you are throughout the years!